The Anxious Month of May

Whoa, I’m behind on blogging. Again, I realize that most of my blog is providing material for an Eric Peterson museum that will never exist, but it is nice to go back and see what I was up to five years ago or whatever.

But I was surprised as we crossed the border into May, how tense and anxious I immediately got Several reasons – I have a ton going on, mostly good and fun, but stuff I have to either make happen or opine on or at least pay attention to. And of course we’re coming up on the anniversary of the thing, and that’s hitting me harder than I thought. Part of that is simply environmental – the weather is now making it feel like that time – and other anniversaries that are countdowns. For instance, we’ve now passed the date where he had his hernia surgery. So that all is just giving me a layer of constant anxiety which is Not Helpful.

For what it’s worth, I’ve always thought that I’d give myself a year to be a mess, and I’ve certainly taken advantage of that. But it’s clear that I’ll still be a mess after May 20 this year, and that regardless, I’ll need to start being a little more responsible about stuff.

I am throwing a small gathering on the 21st for his close friends and neighbors and such – and some of the stress is around that, even though all I need to do is order food and drink and open my doors. I’m hoping, at that gathering, to lay out his clothes and various stuff that I want to give away, and have people just take what they want before I bring the rest to be donated. That feels like somewhat of a milestone, too, and another step towards it feeling not-so-weird that this is now my home where no one else lives.

Speaking of that, there’s not a lot of estate stuff left. The rock’m sock’m lawyers have been doing their thing, but we hit a weird snag. After a lot of confusing emails and phone calls, and two calls to Chase, this may be settled, although I haven’ yet gotten the notification. Basically, when they did a lien search, they found out that one of the forms (UCC3) that should have shown that the mortgage was paid was missing. Turns out that although there are two UCC1s (one for the original mortgage, one for the refinance when we redid the kitchen in 2003), both of the UCC3s point to the original UCC1. This is a clerical error – it should be a 1-1 correspondence. So Chase is supposed to be cleaning that up, and once that happens, I’m guessing we can move forward.

I swear to g-d I drafted more of this post earlier. I’m currently in Baltimore, on a mini-vacation and drafted this on the train. I’ll bet the wifi cut out before the whole thing got saved.

Anyway, I have a ton to blog about, and maybe I’ll do one post per subject over the next few days. I’ve seen a bunch of shows and concerts, I’ve taken a couple of trips, I’ve had more cooking experiments… yeah, I need to get caught up. More soon.

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